


Self Sabotage

by kingsoup



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-03-07 03:56:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13426302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kingsoup/pseuds/kingsoup
Summary: Hermann and Newt agree to be each other's date for an event if they can't each find someone to go with.





	1. Chapter 1

 

“I still do not understand why we are even being invited to this event; there are more important things we should be doing,” says Hermann, rolling his eyes as the technician leaves the table. The aforementioned technician, Joseph, Hermann had said while complaining about him, was the fourth person to question Newt and Hermann about the get together in a couple of days. The first three people, however, had generally the same thing to ask - Are you going to go? Who are you going with? Are you going _together_? 

The first time someone asked if Newt and Hermann were going together, Newt had choked on his drink and Hermann had scowled, effectively answering the question for them. 

“It’s good for team morale, or something.” Newt replies with wave of his hand.

“So I’ve heard,” the mathematician sneers causing Newt to snort.

“Hey now, it could be-“ the biologist tries to start.

“If you say fun,” Hermann interrupts, “God so help me I will shove this spoon up your nose.” This time, Newt fully laughs but puts his hands up in defeat. He had to admit, the party sounded fun, because anything that let Newt meet new people and drink sounded good to him, but he was starting to feel reluctant as well. Proposed by a separate department, the get-together (boringly named _Meeting of the Minds_ ) was intended to allow people actually doing the science in each department to communicate with each other about their findings through something other than hurried reports or emails. It was basically a night off for the people who frankly deserved it, but there was only one problem: it was a plus one event, and neither Hermann nor Newt had a plus one. 

Hermann didn't simply because he had his cane up his ass in his spare time and Newt didn’t because he was nursing a painful crush on the former in _his_ spare time. Admittedly, more than his spare time. (To be precise, all the time; it was becoming almost unbearable.) While they could both show up stag, there was a weird pressure amongst their colleagues for them to bring someone along with them. Newt idly played with his mashed potatoes while Hermann finished the rest of his own plate. They’d deal with this later.

 

“Herms-“ 

“Do not-“

“I have a proposition for you-“

“I already want you to shut up.” 

“-about the M&M.” From across the room, Hermann slings a piece of chalk towards the biologist, who just narrowly avoids it.

“Shit dude, your aim has gotten way better since you started working with me.” Newt shouts back and Hermann sighs.

“I wish it didn’t have to. Now, what do you want, Dr. Geiszler?” The shorter fidgets with the rubber gloves he is wearing and bites his lip, weighing the outcomes of what is about to say. 

“We should go together,” he eventually blurts out. Hermann doesn’t respond, but doesn’t move either. _Oh god,_ Newt thinks anxiously to himself, _how do I fix this._

“I mean, like, say we don’t find a date or whatever, we can just go together. It doesn’t have to be weird, y’know? We’re just lab partners and everyone expects us to show up together anyways.” With his back still turned to Newt, Hermann continues to calculate this suggestion. However, Newt can’t shake the subtle gnawing of anxiety in his gut so he does what he does best - he rambles.

“Honestly though, the whole concept of a ‘plus-one’ is _stupid_. Like, who cares who I show up with? We’re all scientists who spend all their time trying to save the goddamn world; shouldn’t that be enough? I think it is a status thing. I think some idiot decided he wanted to show off the fact that, _ooh look at me, I found time between not sleeping and trying to stop an alien invasion to not only get laid, but to have a steady relationship,_ like what a prick. Do you think it is Matt from the-“

“Yes, okay, just… slow _down_ Newton.” Hermann stops him and huffs. Newt raises his eyebrows in surprise, then looks away and clears his throat.

“Yeah well. Okay. Cool. So if neither of us finds someone by Friday we can just… go together.” 

“Hm, yes,” is all that is said in reply. Newt smiles.

 

They both go back to work, and other than the occasional curse word, nothing more is really discussed. Hermann retires first, nodding to Newt wearily as he passes. Unaware of how much time has passed, the biologist goes to make a cup of tea - he dully realizes it is too late for coffee - when he passes by one of the regular nightshift workers. The worker approaches Newt as he rummages around the kitchen area for a teabag, and claps a hand on Newt’s back.

“Dr. Geiszler! Fancy meeting you here,” he starts in cheerfully. Newt stares back with mild confusion while trying to jog his memory for a name. It’s not that he doesn’t like the guy, he just isn’t particularly interested either. Beyond a few generic conversations, Newt doesn’t have an overwhelming relationship with him, but he should at _least_ be able to remember the man’s name. 

“Yeah - uh - _oh_ , Lee, good to see you.” He shifts awkwardly as he reaches for a spoon and flicks the kettle on. “What’s up man?”

“Not much, not much. It’s 3 in the morning - you and your grouchy mathematician are pretty much the only interesting things happening this late.” Newt rubs the back of his neck and gives a reluctant smile. He really can't be bothered to make small talk with people at the moment, but he doesn't want to be rude.

“Yeah well, it’s just me right now.” Newt comments, and theres a pause in the conversation. He can feel a question sitting on the tip of Lee’s tongue so he wills the kettle to boil quicker. Could he just turn around and leave without making the tea? _No,_ he reminds himself. _Everyone already thinks you’re weird enough as it is. It’s only Lee. You like Lee, probably, anyways._

“So…” he says. 

_Ah,_ Newt thinks. 

“There’s been talk of this party thing for you and some the other scientists and technicians.” The kettle clicks off as the water is finished boiling. Newt pours the water as he waits for the question to come.

“I’ve heard it’s open to guests so long as they’re attached to a scientist - you got any idea who you’re going to bring?” _And, there it is._

“Nah, I’m open to suggestions though,” Newt replies casually, swirling the teabag in his cup before reaching for the milk and sugar.

“Is that so? Well here’s a suggestion, why don’t you take me?” Startled, Newt knocks the lid off the milk and looks back with wide eyes.

“Uh, what? _Why_?” Lee laughs at first, but frowns when he sees Newt still staring back expectingly, in disbelief someone would ask to go with him.

“Oh God, man, don’t look at me like that. What’s wrong with asking to be your date? You are looking for someone to go with and I’m looking for somewhere to go, right?” The shorter nods slowly and retrieves the lid from the floor without saying anything, so the other continues. “It is okay if you don’t want to, unless, oh, _fuck,_ are you and grumpy-?” 

“No! Well, no. No we’re not… he’s not. We’re not together.” Newt cuts him off, waving his hand to dismiss the thought.  _Calm down, idiot, e_ _veryone always assumes; this is nothing new. They don’t know you like him. It wouldn't matter anyways - they wouldn’t ever tell him,_  he tries to reassure himself as he pours his milk.Lee studies him for an answer and Newt fumbles putting the cap back on the lid. It makes sense to take him up on the offer. He is right, after all, Newt needs someone to go with. There is nothing wrong with the offer… _except_ …

The biologist coughs awkwardly and replies.

“I’m flattered, but I’m going to have to decline this time.” Lee nods and looks at Newt understandingly. Newt doesn’t seem to understand what he does but scoops out the teabag and throws it out. They exchange pleasantries before Newt retreats back to the lab for the night. He sips the tea at his desk and nearly spits it out. 

He forgot to add the sugar.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they be gay

 

When Newt comes stumbling into the lab the next morning from a fruitless nap, Hermann points to the cup of coffee on his lab partners desk before settling back into the paperwork he was shuffling through. Newt settles at his desk and runs a hand through his hair, looking at the unbeatable mountain of paper at his desk, then rests his face in hands. Across the room, Hermann looks up as the other sighs heavily. He notes the lack of change in attire and reminds himself quietly to find a way to usher Newt to rest at least on the couch later on in the day; _it’s the third day he has shown up in that shirt_ , Hermann thinks as he licks his thumb to turn a page. But for now, they’re both busy so he remains quiet, only stopping his work to steal a glance at the man buried in his own pile of paperwork. 

 

At noon, the biologist groans loudly as he stretches and it draws Hermann’s attention away from the chalkboard. 

“What,” he snaps in Newt’s general direction.

“Food,” Newt replies as he pulls himself out of his chair. Hermann glances at his own watch and clicks his tongue, but decides he can spare a moment for a stale bagel. Newt waits for him to rise with a wince from his own chair and hands him his cane that was hooked on the side of the desk. The mathematician notes his companion’s silence, curious as to what has him wrapped so deep in thought, but tired enough not to want to disturb the rare quiet. By the time they reach the cafeteria, Newt’s silence has been tucked away and he greets half the room by yelling, patting Hermann on the back as a vague _go get something to eat, I’ll be right back_ , and then darting off to a table of cheery people. 

Balancing his cane and his tray, Hermann finds a less crowded table to sit down; should Newt decide to join him again, there was room enough for the biologist and his big personality. Hermann quickly learned that seating Newt at a crowded table was a disaster waiting to happen - his arms were ruthless and knocked over trays and drinks belonging to the people next to him in their wild frenzy of gestures, and Newt’s loud mouth usually drew people over for a chat, causing Hermann to be crowded out of his own dining spot. It was half-way through his food when he noticed Mako heading towards him.

“Ms. Mori, to what do I owe this pleasure?” Hermann asked, looking up from his food with fondness at the edge of his eyes. He reaches for his cup of coffee and takes a sip. 

“I am just passing by, Dr. Gottlieb, but I wanted to say hello.” She doesn’t sit down but she offers him a polite smile. Hermann quite likes Mako; she is competent, quick, and best of all, _respectful -_ a quality sorely lacking in his colleagues (particularly in the one that mattered the most). On another day, Hermann would lament how a young lady such as Mako with a bright future had to be raised in such a dark time, or how well she grew into a military lifestyle and how he secretly wished she would have more difficulty accepting this way of life. What would she do when it was over? When you’ve become accustomed to war, how do you accept peace? 

But today was not that day, so instead the older made light conversation.

“Are you, too, here to bother me about the event taking place?” Mako knew he didn’t mean it with true irritation, so she responded with a playful quirk of her mouth. 

“I don’t know what event you are talking about, Dr. Gottlieb.” 

“So you don’t intend to inquire who it is I will be going with?” She hesitates before responding, probably more for Hermann’s sake than her own. He takes another sip of his drink as he waits. 

“I think, Dr. Gottlieb, if there is an event taking place where a date is in question, we both know who it is you will be taking.” Hermann pauses, wanting to snap back a response, but he knows better than to try it with Mako. Instead, he struggles to swallow his drink and nods her direction. 

“I guess we both do,” he says with a slight raise of his eyebrows. She gives him one last gentle look, before turning to get back to work. 

 

Newt never joins him at the table. Hermann finishes his food with mild contempt at the world and returns to the lab alone. 

 

The rest of the day continues in typical fashion. Exhaust digs at Hermann’s eyes as he stubbornly shakes it off, rubbing the bridge of his nose where his glasses have dented his skin, and returning to a piece of paper, and equation, a problem to big for him to tackle on his own. And yet, he continues with a suspiration and diligence. He rarely glances over to the other side of his room, long since drowning out Newt’s shouts and music. It was difficult for Hermann to get used to the constant muttering and cacophony of noises emanating from the biologist. Frankly, it was puzzling how _constant_ Newton could be. Constantly moving or talking or yelling but he was there and too stubborn to change who he was for anyone. Hermann wouldn’t admit it, even if it was the answer to every problem on his chalkboard, but sometimes it was comforting how constant Newton was. The noise, however, wasn’t comforting or endearing, but it was apart of how Newton worked so Hermann learned to accept it begrudgingly. 

It was a sharply yelled _FUCK_ , that finally drags Hermann away from his numbers. Rolling his eyes, the mathematician looked over to see Newton standing with his arms in the air, bleeding, cursing, and surrounded by broken glass. His eyes narrows at a gash on his arm - it was weird to see the Kaijus bleeding anything but blue - and concern squeezes Hermann’s heart for half a second. The biologist realizes he has caught the attention of his lab partner, and he begins to run his mouth.

“Now, alright, before you say anything-“ he says, at the same time Hermann spits, “ _Newton_.”

“It was an accident!” He squeaks with a flail of arms, then frowns. “Well, I mean _duh_ , it was an accident. But look it is not on your side of the line so it has nothing to do with you. I’ll clean this up and you can get back to work.” 

He rambles as Hermann hobbles angrily over to his side. Newt will always think he was angry that he broke something or that he made a mess, and to some degree he was right and Hermann will allow him to think this. Neither of them will acknowledge he was angry the shorter hurt himself yet again, or that his injury wasn’t even his primary concern. For a narcissist, Newt rarely had regard for his well-being and it wore Hermann out.

“Very good, and what, pray tell, will you being about you _arm_?” Hermann seethed, comfortably falling into his defensive anger. 

“What? _Oh._ ” Newt says, directing his attention to his bleeding monsters. “That’s not a big deal. That will be fine.” Hermann lightly hits Newt’s shin with his cane and scowls.

“You cannot have an open wound while working in this environment you fool - what if it gets infected? This place is such a mess it would be a miracle if it didn’t. I am taking you to the infirmary and you will get that taken care of.” The other clearly wants to protest, so Hermann keeps talking.

“You used the last of the band-aids the other day when you burnt your hand making _coffee_ for christ’s sake. Did you ever get any more band-aids? I doubt it; I don’t even know why I ask.” Newt scratches his neck with his good arm sheepishly, likely remembering how he had poured boiling water on his hand instead of into his mug. _What had he even been staring at?_ Hermann had thought afterwards, because clearly he wasn’t paying attention to the task at hand. The taller tapped the side of the other’s shoe impatiently before he finally groaned and threw his arms up in the air in defeat. 

“You don’t have to come with me _Hermann_. I can get this taken care of myself.” Newt grumbles as they exit the lab. Hermann doesn’t want to leave the lab in the state of mess that it is, but he also doesn’t trust Newt to actually stay focussed long enough to make it to the infirmary.

“I fear you really can’t.” Hermann bites back. This, of course, launches them into an argument regarding Newt’s capability to take care of himself. Hermann throws accusations citing Newton’s _numerous_ injuries just in the past month, while Newt retorts viciously, heavily emphasizing Hermann’s smoking habits. This argument carries them the entire way to the infirmary, where anyone but the two doctors would see this argument less about each other’s incompetence, and more to do with their immense care of each other’s well being. Of course, no one says this.

 

While the biologist jumps from topic to topic - _this is ridiculous Hermann, you don’t have to wait here Hermann, hey nurse did you know…, hey did you hear about…, do any of you remember that one song that goes like…-_ Hermann wanders over to a standby nurse to inquire about a replacement first-aid kit. While the two are out of Newt’s earshot, they both can clearly him. Another nurse chuckles lightly as Newt dives into a discussion about an obscure band Hermann couldn’t care less about, but he is relieved that people aren’t too irritated by the wannabe rockstar’s rambling. 

It isn’t long until the conversation between Hermann and nurse turns into a conversation about the Meeting of the Minds, and Hermann seriously considers bludgeoning her with his cane. 

“I am sure you’ve been asked this question countless times,” she says, smiling a bit nervously.

“Oh, I assure you, I _have_.” He responds dryly. She nods and her eyes dart between Newt and Hermann. 

“So, you’ve been asked to go with someone, I am assuming.” Narrowing his eyes, he frowns and she fidgets, hastily responding. “I just - you're pleasant and very, um, interesting.” 

This confuses Hermann until he realizes what is happening, and his expression softens. He clears his throat awkwardly and she directs her attention back him.

“I have not, actually, been asked. I am quite flattered you would think otherwise, but not many share your opinion of me.” The nurse raises her eyebrows, and Hermann rubs the handle of his cane as a well worn nervous habit. 

“Not even you and…?” She glances over to the biologist again, waving his hands excitedly, and Hermann’s heart flutters. Routinely and harshly, he represses any other feelings he might have and coughs. 

“No. Dr. Geiszler and I have agreed to go together should we not find anyone else, but I doubt he truly wants to go with me.” To his surprise, the nurse laughs. 

“Bless you, Dr. Gottlieb, but I think you’re wrong. In any case, I would genuinely like to go with you if you wanted.” Her previous nervousness has seemingly faded, and Hermann stares at her curiously. She knows he won’t accept her offer - but how does she know? Why is she okay with it? 

“I appreciate it, really, but,” he finds himself hesitating and he isn’t sure himself why. His gaze returns to Newt, who catches his look and returns it with a thumbs up and lopsided smile. _No,_ he thinks, _I know exactly why_. 

“Yeah,” she replies gently, “I know.” Hermann nods politely, mentally reminding himself to put in a good word, or _something_ , to return the favour. _The people here really can be caring,_ he muses as Newt approaches him. 

As they leave, Newton is still chatting when he suddenly cuts himself off and nudges Hermann’s elbow.

“So what were you two talking about?” Thankfully, Hermann doesn’t blush, but he clenches his jaw instead. He considers it, deeply, for a moment while the shorter stares at him expectingly. He glances to his side and decides it is worth the risk.

“She asked me about our favourite event.” He says the word favourite like his eating one of Newt’s candies - with heavy disgust. Newt snorts.

“Yeah? People sure like to get involved with the wacky scientists’ business, huh? It is like we’re some sort of spectacle.” The taller raises an eyebrow.

“And here I assumed you would love the attention.” Scoffing, Newt responds.

“God, no. It is so annoying - I am tempted to just screw the whole thing altogether and not go. I mean, we could. They’ve got, what, alcohol? We have alcohol in the lab or something, right? We could _make_ alcohol in the lab. Wait, Herms, could we? We should. Fuck, I’m going to go do that. Right after I clean up, of course.” Hermann glares, not knowing what to address in that wreck of a sentence, but Newt choses not to notice.

“It would be a shame if you decided to skip the event, considering I turned down that lovely nurse so we could go together,” Hermann tries to say as nonchalantly as possible while entering the lab and heading towards his desk. Newt, however, stops dead in his tracks, working his way through what he had just heard.

“ _What?_ ” He squawks indignantly. 

“Do not be surprised that people ask to spend time with,” the other replies curtly, slightly more offended than he will admit. 

“No- that is not- wait a minute. Why didn’t you say _yes?_ ” Now Hermann pauses, realizing what this information might reveal about himself. Hastily gathering his composure, he turns to face Newt with his best face of indifference.

“If I had said yes, who would go with you?” Hermann wishes he could know exactly the thoughts running through the other’s head because his words produce a chaotic emotional response across the other's face. 

“I… thank you? Wait, no!” Newt shouts after a moment, and Hermann laughs, turning back to his chalkboard. 

“Hey now I could definitely get a date too - in _fact_ , Lee, that hot tech? Yeah, he asked _me_ out.” Hermann spends a foolish second feeling jealous before realizing the implication of that sentence. Newt clearly notices it too because when Hermann glances over to him, his face has gone red. 

“So, _Newton_ , why exactly is it that you turned _him_ down?” 

“Fuck off!” He shouts back. Hermann laughs again in spite of himself.

 

 

Neither of them bring it up again, not even when Newt shows up at Hermann’s door, grumbling about the event while managing to have a layer of underlying excitment about him. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love the idea of everyone being painfully aware of newt and hermann's feelings for each other and just silently watching the two try and figure their shit out. also, "what had he even been staring at" probably you herms, you dumb old man

**Author's Note:**

> Newt, to himself, lying in bed: Oh My God What Have I Done
> 
> (I don't know anything about how things in the shatterdome works so lets pretend that this would happen)


End file.
